'Adult' education

I originally wrote this as a response to the media’s gushing over the death of a porn star a couple of years ago. Though her memory may have faded, the beast she fed survives…The post has been modified from its original form.

‘Adult entertainment.’ ‘Adult films.’ ‘Adult DVDs, movies, videos.’

If 'adult' is equated with 'mature', and 'mature' equates to 'old enough to know better,' or 'responsible and sensible', then what adult would want to watch such a film?

Many of you know that I am a 'recovering porn addict.' I know what damage I did to my soul and my marriage by exposing (pun intended) myself to these pieces of toxic waste. The demand is great for such product as this...far greater now than when the late Marilyn Chambers made her debut. (Yes, I did see her big film. Unfortunately.) The appetite for flesh on film has desensitized us to the point that our kids can watch what once would have been considered ‘soft-core’ on our TVs every evening. We can take a trip to any mall in any town in America and see young ladies wearing revealing clothing that would have made Grandma blush. Victoria has no secrets anymore; they’re all on public display.

All of this public skin feeds our appetite for more of the same. We’re not satisfied with the occasional bare shoulder as the camera fades to black. We want the full monty. And worse. After a while, even that’s not good enough to give us the ‘high’ we are accustomed to, so we pursue a more risky fix. Relationships, jobs, even our lives are put at risk in our pursuit of our next piece, be it real or virtual. And it seldom stops before irreparable harm has been done. I know this because I was there.

I was there for 25+ years. If you are into porn, I am not going to slam a Bible on your head and pronounce damnation on you, although I could show you passages which would seem to indicate God ain't too happy with it. I just want to tell you in no uncertain terms that this stuff is poison. Poisonous to your mind. Poisonous to your relationships, whether you are married or not. Poisonous to your view of the opposite sex (or even the same sex...been there, done that too.) It corrodes your ability to have and enjoy intimacy...not just physical intimacy, but emotional, conversational, relational intimacy. After viewing or reading it, every single time you attempt to engage in an intimate moment (with or without clothing), a little of your capacity to be intimate is eaten away. Eventually, you find yourself unable to become close to anyone without having a sexual thought or impulse pounce on you.

I poisoned my life and my marriage with this stuff. I gave my bride a taste of it, and she went and did exactly what I was doing. James hit the bullseye when he wrote (James 1:14-15) that we are dragged by our desires into sin, and sin gives birth to death.

This stuff is contagious. Kill it. Kill it now. Kill it before it kills you.

We can’t afford to stop there, though. Our friends, our children, our coworkers are caught in this trap as well. Some has speculated that 2/3 of all men either are currently feeding a porn / sex addiction or have had issues in the past with one. Look around you and count. Two out of every three guys you count have been caught up in this pernicious toxin. But no one wants to talk about it! Be the exception! Give your friend some cover, and stand with him. Find someone you can call when you feel that tingling, that burning to log on and check out. Accountability turns a bright light on this evil, and it runs away. Guys, they only sell this stuff because they know we buy it. If we reduce the demand for this toxin, market economics tell us the supply will shrink as well.

BIG recommendation if you're into books: 'The Dirty Little Secret' by Craig Gross, founder of xxxchurch.com . Take a look at the unairbrushed underbelly of porn, warts and all. If you aren't sick now, you will be when you finish.

Jesus said if we even lust, that's the same as actually engaging in adultery. Adulterers are listed in several lists of people that won't get into Heaven. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is my favorite list:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

I am batting 9 for 10 in that list. But there's hope! Read verse 11:

Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

It's possible to be cleaned of this scourge. Jesus can remove this toxin...and any others as well. I'm proof that he can do it.

I don't know where many of the porn producers stand with the Lord, but there are many others out there in their shoes who need to make that decision. Pray for them. Pray for all the victims of porn....the husbands who swallow a little, then a little more, then eventually the whole thing until they have to get more and more to satisfy; the wives who struggle with the loss of their husbands to an airbrushed impossibility; the women who, faced with hunger or loneliness, are lured into this trap with seemingly no way out; the purveyors of these poisons, who may or may not realize what their product is doing to countless millions; the young man or woman who stumbles onto something during an innocent Google search and now can't get away from it; and many more. Our God is big enough to handle this. Dare we ask Him to?

Upon looking at the doctor on TV and seeing my face...

Much has been said online and over the air about the heinous actions of a certain local pediatrician. He is in custody and, having been indicted, will be led through the state's judicial process and will face the prescribed punishment, if convicted. He must - and will - pay the penalty Delaware's jurists and legislators have determined is appropriate for his crimes.

(As an aside, I wish to publicly thank State Attorney General 'Beau' Biden for acknowledging that he has an important task to finish, and for not running off to take his daddy's Senate seat. This guy has integrity. I like that in an elected official.)

A virulent cloud of hate swirls amidst us when the Dr. Bradley case is discussed. People speak of him in terms reserved for vermin and reptiles. Amateur dismemberment squads are proposed. The possibilities of what might happen if he was "accidentally" released to the general prison population are spoken of with glee. Hatchets, rusty knives, and electric tools of many types have been offered up as implements of justice. These opinions are understandable: no one wants to see children injured or traumatized, especially in such an intimate manner, and especially not by a supposedly trustworthy professional. As a father, I completely understand the rage that incites such emotion.

But I disagree with it completely.

When I look at Dr. Bradley, I see someone who stands just a few short steps down the road from where I stood at one time in my life. A handful of steps one way or the other, and it might have been my face on TV. Yes, he made the decision, and yes, he is responsible for his choices.

But what sort of things can happen to someone so bring them to a place where they think this is a good course of action?

Some statistics were quoted to me the other evening: 70% of people with sexual addiction have been sexually abused at some point in their lives. 80% have been physically abused. Nearly all have been emotionally abused or neglected. I don't have the stats on where exposure to porn fits here, but based on my own experiences, I believe it goes hand-in-hand. Find a vulnerable person and destroy their self-worth. Destroy their value. Dehumanize them. Use them. It was done to me. It was what I learned. In time, I would in turn dehumanize someone else. And the cycle (ordinarily) continues.

The cycle can be stopped. It requires a decision to stop. It requires a reorganization of the manner in which one thinks: a transformation by the renewing of the mind, as Paul says in Romans 12:2. But the mind is so closely allied with the heart. Can one change without the other changing as well? Mmmmm, possible, but not likely. Even if the mind says, 'This is a bad thing; we shouldn't do it," the heart is accustomed to the rush which accompanies the action and demands we continue on the destructive path anyway. The things we don't want to do are the things we end up doing. And since we KNOW we shouldn't be doing them, the shame and guilt that follows push us deeper into the isolation from which the desire arose in the first place.

Okay, enough mirror-watching for a bit. How can we prevent future Dr. Bradleys or Tommy Leggs (or Ron Sutlers, for that matter) from heading to this dark place, if they each have the power of freewill? I don't have the magic wand that would make it all go away, but I have some ideas.

1. Let's speak up about sex in church. Hey, if God thought it was dirty, would we have the Song of Solomon? C'mon, you gotta have asbestos gloves on when you read it. It's that hot! Seriously though, this is a topic that is typically hush-hush in churches. Paul had little problem talking about it -- he wrote of kicking out a guy who was doing his mother-in-law! And he wrote of the pride that church had in itself for its 'tolerance' of immorality. Sounds familiar. Anyways....God created it and thought is was special enough to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. Can we get God back into sex? That brings me to....

2. Let's speak up about the degrading effect of porn. Surveys indicate that over half of all men -- IN CHURCH -- either have or have had struggles with pornography. This stuff is an intimacy killer, a relationship toxin, a soul destroyer. It provides a false intimacy to replace the true intimacy of marriage. It lures with promises of exotic pleasures, but delivers isolation and addiction. A little is no longer enough.....you need more and stronger images to achieve the same 'high.' But this stuff is everywhere! In the corner store, on the Net, on the cable TV, even on the cellphone. It is pervasive. Many primetime TV shows would have been considered softcore porn just a few short years ago. And advertising! Why do we need tits and ass to sell web domains? Or cars? Or beer? Danica, keep your shirt on, honey! Guys, they do it because we respond to it. And we become numb....desensitized....almost immune. it requires more to 'arouse' our wallets (and other things) into action. But we ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES! And then we wonder why teens are acting out at younger and younger ages! Porn is a many-tentacled thing.

3. Let's demonstrate a Godly love to our wives. They need to see the strong provider and protector God intended us to be. Take a stand when you see this crap on your TV: turn the channel. Let her see you avert your eyes when the hot chick with everything hanging out walks past in WalMart. Job said he made a covenant with his eyes to not look at another woman with lust. Not a bad plan.

4. Become a part of a group of guys sharing the fight. David had a few dozen guys split out of Judah with him when Saul was after his head. They hung together and became known as his mighty men. They had each other's back. They fought side by side and shared in the victories and the struggles. There are many men out there with these same issues. Get their numbers. Call them when you feel tempted, when you feel alone, when you feel vulnerable. Face it, we already proved we can't do it alone, right?

5. Invite God into the battle. Hey, it doesn't hurt to have the biggest guy on the block on your side, right? Blow the dust off of that big black book and open it up. Read about David and Joseph and what they did when faced with temptation....and the different results they achieved. This isn't a fight you can win alone. I can tell you how Jesus helped me to get clean, but He didn't put me in a bubble so I stayed that way. I got dirty again soon enough, but He stood ready to re-clean and re-strengthen me. It is a day-by-day struggle. Some days are oh so easy, but then there are those other days that I come so close to falling. He won't let you fall if you lean on Him. Hard lesson to learn.

6. When you see or hear of a person with struggles in the area of sexuality, don't reject or condemn them. We already feel rejected and condemned in our own minds. Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman (hey, where was the man she was with? I wonder if he was one of the ones who brought her?)...He released her and told her to stop what she was doing. Us perverts need love, too. Face it, we've been looking for it in all the wrong places, as the song goes. We need TRUE love and intimacy. All we know is the false love and intimacy that brings grief. Show us Jesus' love. Show us Jesus. It might take a while, but keep on showing it. Encourage us. Exhort us. Support us. Pray for us. Pray WITH us.

Love us. Please.

What if someone had introduced Bradley or Leggs to real intimacy with Jesus? There might be 103 fewer victims in Lewes. There might be one less girl in the cemetary. Isn't it worth a shot?

But...

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

When contemplating which way to go, sometimes it’s helpful to remember where you’ve come from, the direction you’ve been traveling, and the means by which you’ve arrived at this point. The Israelites recognized this and erected mounds of stones as memorials – Ebenezer stones – to commemorate important events. Washington, D.C. is awash in memorials to this president or to that war. It’s important that we remember our history, since it has an impact on our future.

Paul was erecting a Scriptural Ebenezer stone for the church at Corinth in the above passage. Many members of that church had previously been numbered among the wicked practitioners of the sins he lists. As he condemns them to exclusion from God’s kingdom, he pauses and says, ‘And that is what some of you were. But…’

But. Small word, big meaning. ‘But’ stands between what was and what is, between what has been and what may be. ‘But’ says you used to think a certain way, talk a certain way, do certain things…and those thoughts, words, and actions separated you from God. ‘But’ says something has happened to change that. ‘But’ says you are different now.

I am different now. Something happened to me. I was separated from God by my thoughts, words, and actions. I was the man Paul wrote about. This is my story.

I’m not really sure how it started: there were so many pieces – my parents’ divorce when I was 9, finding mom’s boyfriend’s stash of hardcore at age 10, meeting the strange old man from church who liked having boys rub him down with lotion at age 12, discovering masturbation, entertaining secret fantasies….these were all contributing factors, to be sure. By the time I left home for college, I was already hooked on sex and didn’t realize it. So far, though, (except for the old man and some ‘exploration’ when I was younger) the only ‘real’ person it involved was me.

Even then, something told me this wasn’t right. I tried to impose ‘sanctions’ on myself when I succumbed to the urge to masturbate, to no avail. Eventually, I began to accept that this was a part of my life.

Until the day everything changed for the worse.

My secret fantasies had almost always involved other men. I discovered a local place where men hooked up anonymously for sex, and I timidly approached. So began almost 25 years of lies, shame, and guilt. It wasn’t about relationships…for me, it was all about the sex. Living a double life takes a considerable amount of planning and coordination. You don’t want the one side to know about the other, because exposure brings pain and humiliation. This was the unforgivable, the one thing the Bible thumpers would chase you out of town for. Not that I was a ‘religious’ person, but I knew how the game was played. You show up on Sunday, put your $5 in the plate for fire insurance, and look righteous while you sing ‘Rock of Ages.’

I worried what would happen if I were uncovered? My new wife might abandon me, my employer might fire me, and there was also this new worry I heard about on TV…what was it called? AIDS? I knew it was wrong. Try as I might, I couldn’t stop. I had to do something.

How about a change of scenery? Circumstances provided an opportunity to relocate some 2,800 miles away, and I took my wife and new son east for a new beginning….to what I would soon discover was the gay capital of the East Coast. Before long I was back to my old habits and deeper into my old shame.

Once my marriage dissolved, it became harder and harder to keep my two lives separated. Frequently I’d run into men who I knew from the Dark Side while I was shopping or working. This was getting too close. I changed jobs, remarried, and tried harder to withdraw from this pattern. James talks about being dragged away and enticed by one’s own desires. That was me. I could run, but I couldn’t run away from me. I was falling closer to the bottom of the pit, where the death is that James speaks of :

… each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is fullgrown, gives birth to death. (James 1:14-15)

We began listening to a couple we met at a camp, and eventually accepted their invitation to church, where we found the husband was a pastor. Eventually we both realized we needed to let Christ have control of our lives, and we accepted His forgiveness and grace. I wondered then, could Jesus maybe help me with this monster I had become?

It was a Friday evening in Baltimore, an unlikely place for a divine appointment. I was invited by the pastor to attend a Promise Keepers event, and I went, not knowing what to expect. This new Christian life was exciting and liberating, however, there were still times I was unable to resist the old temptations. I was feeling like a failure. The speaker that night asked for a show of hands – how many men had struggles with pornography? With fornication? With adultery? With homosexuality? Though I wanted to raise my hand every time, I worried what my companions might think. I prayed with the speaker to be released from the hold my addiction had on me. When we were dismissed for a bathroom break, I visited a book vendor and picked up ‘Every Man’s Battle,’ a book I had been hearing about. I didn’t put it down until I had finished reading it completely. For a guy who was still having trouble figuring out his Colossians from his Chronicles in his new 20-pound King James, this was the Holy Grail. The authors pulled Scripture out so a newbie could grasp it easily.

Among other things, God used that book and that event to show me that I could not change without His help. He showed me I need to own my actions and not hide under the ‘addictions’ or ‘I’m a product of my environment and upbringing’ or ‘this is how I was made’ blankets. He showed me how to take every thought captive to Christ (2 Corinthians 5), how submission to God gives me power to resist (James 4:7), that He empowers me to do anything (Philippians 4:13), and that through Him I have self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). He also showed me the power of forgiveness (Colossians 3:12-13), that He made me in His image (Genesis 1:27), and that my body is His temple, so I should honor it (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The most lasting thing He has shown me is that light chases away darkness, and darkness no longer has any power when exposed to light (Ephesians 5:11-14).

He also brought to my attention a passage in 1 Corinthians, where Paul tells a church in an immoral city that there’s no depth of sin where we might fall that’s too deep for God to retrieve us. I could fit snugly within Paul’s Top Ten list from 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. I failed to qualify for admission to the kingdom. I couldn’t change that.

And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Some of us were wicked. Some of us were bound. Some of us were struggling under guilt, under shame, under failure. That is what we were.

But…

This is what we are. We have been washed – cleansed of sin -- by Jesus. We have been sanctified – set apart – for His use. We have been justified – given a ‘Not Guilty’ verdict – through Him.

We were deserving of eternal banishment from the presence of God. We were.

But…

Because of Him, we are clean.

Sometimes he chooses to remove our baggage instantly. What a cause for celebration! And sometimes He chooses to make us work for it. That’s where I am. Every day I have to start out with Him reminding me of where I’ve been and where I’m going. This passage is where I erect my Ebenezer stone. When people ask about my journey, I can show them this memorial. It’s not a memorial to sin or pride in my old ways, but a reminder that you can’t be so far down that God can’t bring you out. It’s a celebration of the distance God has brought me from where I had hidden.

I know where I’ve been. I know how I got here.

But…

I also know Who I’m following.

Wish You Were Here

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell?

Blue skies from grey?

Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail?

A smile through a veil? Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war,

For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year.

Running over the same old ground:

What have we found?

The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

--‘Wish You Were Here,’ Roger Waters of Pink Floyd

Pink Floyd was one of my favorite bands B.C. I loved the guitar accompaniment to this song: an acoustic 12 string with a simple lead guitar solo. Nothing fancy, yet very pretty. The words always seemed a bit strange, but hey, this was Pink Floyd, and this was the sort of tuneage that they played on that ‘hippie drug-infested FM station’ back in the 70’s. If Mom hated it, that’s reason enough for me to like it. Some things never change. I later learned that this song was sort of a goodbye to a band member who left the group to explore new spiritual worlds via psycho-altering substances.

I’ve been reading several textbooks on preaching in preparation for classes next week, and I came across a phrase in Michael Quicke’s ‘360-Degree Preaching’ that knocked me out of the chair. ‘The church is an 8-track in a CD world,’ the author quotes. The book’s author is discussing how the institutionalized church has become rigid in the face of a fluid society, and now appears hopelessly old-fashioned and undesirable to a postmodern culture. ‘I am the Church, I change not!’ is its’ cry.

Another textbook opines that a preacher should be attuned to his listeners so that he will know when they are ‘satisfied’ and he can wrap it up. Use a lectionary, they urge. Edwards. Spurgeon. Wesley, Whitfield. Emulate them, I am told. Can’t go wrong with the classics.

Two classes, two opposing views.

I must confess that I am more closely aligned with modernity than with post-modernity, and the ‘model the ancients’ theory makes rational sense to me. But I’m not so stupid as to deny the fact that my church looks nothing like Jonathan Edwards’ congregations. Don’t think I’ll be whipping out ‘Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God’ anytime soon. If a preacher provides no connection between his message and the lives of those who are sitting in front of him, what good is he? It is not adequate anymore to just provide ‘proof’ of God: the hearer wants to experience Him. The postmodern’s credo: no experience, no God.

Back to the first book. Quicke quotes Robert Nash as he says, ‘(the church) still swims in the fishbowl of modernity. Traditional churches advocate a carefully constructed and rational system of belief. Worship is well-ordered and devoid of spontaneity. The focus of the church is on force-feeding propositional truths about God to an American public that is crying out for an experience with God.’

Ouch.

He just described me and my manner of teaching. Gathering facts and truths and organizing them nicely and neatly, then disseminating them…..to listeners who have heard the same truths and facts for the entire 70 or 80 years they’ve been coming to church. Granted, I don’t get too many postmoderns in my classes. But shouldn’t we all desire an experience with God? I mean, hey, I’m not a preacher, I have spoken on a handful of occasions with mixed reviews, but doesn’t the same construct apply in teaching as in preaching?

This brings me to Pink Floyd’s ditty. ‘Two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year.’ A fishbowl is safe, but restrictive. Secure, but limiting. Predictable to the point of boredom. As I look at the song now, I think of someone who has become comfortable with complacency; whose life is devoid of growth. Maybe you can tell the difference between blue skies and grey skies, but what does it mean? What significance has a green field over that of a steel rail? Do you think you can tell? Am I so stuck in the Joe Friday ‘just-the-facts-maam’ routine that I am missing a movement beneath the surface? Or worse yet, one exploding above ground?

I know that those in my classes would benefit from the experiential God, even though they aren’t necessarily postmoderns. Sometimes I feel like I exchanged a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage when I agreed to lead this group. Don’t misunderstand me: I enjoy it. I like burrowing into the Word to extract nuggets we never knew were there. I relish sharing my discoveries with others, and they claim to enjoy it when I do. But I miss the experiential God who frequently visited the other group. How can I get Him to join us, too? I don’t want to go on the next umpteen years running over the same old ground and finding the same old fears.

So how do we invite God into a traditional evening study without driving people away? Suggestions are welcomed.

Wednesday evening, 7 pm. Holy Spirit, wish you were here.

Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun, Especially If You Are The NFL

'They don't come when you call,

They don't chase squirrels at all.

Dead puppies aren't much fun.' --Ogden Edsl, from the Dr. Demento Show

I have recently become a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles. This might dismay those who have heard me sing ‘Hail To The Redskins,’ but there’s a reason for the big change.

It has to do with the signing of Michael Vick. I am not a huge fan of Mr. Vick, though I remember he didn’t do too badly back before the ‘dog days.’ He got himself in trouble, served his time, and is a free man now.

My issue isn’t really with him, since he admittedly made some poor choices and has paid for them. My issue is with what seems to be the prevailing attitude of society regarding that which he did.

Before you start charging me with supporting cruelty to animals, let me get this straight: I believe training dogs to attack other dogs in the name of sport is cruel. Nuff said on that count. But people are going crazy about the possibility that he might actually WORK after serving his sentence! Especially since HE KILLED ANIMALS!!!

I find this attitude so despicable. Why, you ask? How many athletes have you read of who have beaten their wives/girlfriends/baby mamas into a pulp, and after a short mention on SportsCenter, continue playing without a whimper from the animal groups? I remember a certain baseball player who had numerous ‘lifetime suspensions’ for substance abuse, but received nary a wink and a nudge when he violated his ex-girlfriend. Oh, that’s right….people aren’t as valuable as animals! How silly of me.

So what’s the difference between people and animals? As the song goes, ‘We ain’t nothin’ but mammals,’ right? Well, not exactly. Check out these passages. (Hey, if we call them ‘Ancient Mystical Truths, will that prompt people to read them?)

Genesis 1:24-27 And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so.

God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

---

Genesis 2:7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Did you catch that? God spoke into existence all the animals (and the fish and plants, if you read further back). The power of His Word caused them to exist out of nothing. Cool, ain’t it?

But did you catch the difference?

God spoke the animals into being. But He took an active role in the creation of humans. ‘Let us make man in our image,’ He said. People are created in the image of God, hand-made by God. And, if you read on, given life directly by God. That’s what makes us different. Not merely opposable thumbs, but nothing less than THE BREATH OF GOD! This is what incenses me so about the whole Vick thing: that people, MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE, would place a greater value on the lives of animals than on human life. It isn’t surprising that a national discussion is commencing regarding end-of-life care and euthanasia and abortion while at the same time animal ‘rights’ are being pushed to the forefront.

Something that bothers me almost as much as the animal vs. humans thing is the statement that Mr. Vick’s crime was ‘unforgivable.’ Unforgivable by whom? Society’s laws have been more than satisfied. Apparently the NFL is cool with it, though the ‘playing it up for the press’ attitude by the commissioner is revolting. The other teams who refused to sign him have, of course, that privilege. But don’t couch it in that hypocritical ‘ We don’t want someone like HIM on OUR team.’ Fools! You were OK with Ray Lewis and Ricky Williams, weren’t you? Where was the outrage? What nonsense. Anyway, God is a big enough God that He can forgive even Mr. Vick. This is not unforgivable, regardless what PETA might say.

So this football season, as the ‘Skins lose (some things never change), I will be watching the Eagles and wishing the best of luck for Mr. Vick. Something tells me the road to the Super Bowl still runs through Baltimore, but I hope Michael and the Iggles make it….and shut a lot of people up along the way.

Jesus Politics

I regularly get e-mails from well-meaning friends and family members telling me that we (meaning, ’I’) should support Candidate X or should oppose Candidate Y because they support/oppose a Biblical worldview or are in favor/against Issue Z, which, according to the e-mail’s author, is important to/damaging to the cause of Christ. Last November, our nation made history on many levels. Much of that is good, and much is not good. I am not going there with this missive. I’m going somewhere else.

Somewhere that may cause many of my friends to tilt their heads and ask, “Has he finally gone off the edge?”

Somewhere that may cause many others to wonder if I finally drank the Kool-Aid.

This is not necessarily a politically-based note, though if that’s what you see here, I won’t argue with you. This is a verbal vomiting of things I’ve been thinking about for a very long time, and only recently have come to an understanding of.

It is presumed by many in evangelical Christianity that the only party one should support is the Republican Party. To be sure, there have been several officeholders of this party who have supported the cause of Christ. But this made me wonder: can one be a staunch Democrat and also be a Christ-follower?

I work at a university that serves a predominately black population. The school takes much pride in this historical fact. It’s a good place to work, filled with good people. I have come in contact with people from many areas of the world, far-off places like Ghana, Egypt, and Nigeria, as well as Detroit, Alaska, and Alabama. They don’t look like me, talk like me, or think like me. But many of them serve the same Christ I serve. When I asked them why they support one party over another, they look at me like I’m from Mars, as if everybody should have known. I get asked how I can support my party in light if my allegiance to Jesus.

Amazing, isn’t it?

This got me to thinking: what should we look for in our candidates and parties? More importantly, what should we look for in ourselves? And how does that translate into political opinion with a Biblical worldview?

This is harder than it looks. The preacher guys and the commentator guys on the radio would have you to believe that all you have to do is look for the (R) after someone’s name, and push the button beside it. It ain’t necessarily so.

Which of the commandments are the greatest, Jesus was asked. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself, He responded. Those two lay the foundation for every law and regulation in Scripture. If we were to use those two commands as core beliefs and applied them to the political system, what might out election results look like?

What does it mean to love God with one’s heart, soul, mind, and strength? Love is an action, contrary to whatever pop music tells you. What is love? Not the kissy-kissy love or the ‘I love Pizza Hut pizza’ love. Those are self-serving flavors of love. Those are ‘what can I get from this?’ loves. Even the ‘I love my boyfriend/girlfriend’ love can be a selfish when-can-I-get-some love.

Loving God requires an act of defiance to self. It requires us to put Him and His will first, even above ourselves. John Lennon said all we need is love, and he was partly right. Love is where it starts. There are those with whom surrendering the will was the easy part: learning what it meant, how to implement, how to relate to others….those were the difficult parts. Some of us (looking in the mirror as I type) had to make a choice to love God. This required a conscious decision on my part, and required me to override my natural tendency to put ME in the front of the line. Others of us felt the overwhelming emotion first, and later learned what it was, how to express it, how to motivate it. Still others, at our weakest point, experienced the power of God as He restored our lives, rescued us from ourselves, and purged us. Combine these and we have someone who has experienced the love of God and wishes to return that same love to God in their worship, in their service, in obedience, in their life. Loving our neighbor, though, can be a bit harder. Who is my neighbor, the man asked Jesus. Look at that guy in the mirror. Your neighbor is everyone else.

Sooo….how do we apply this to governance?

The ideal candidate would be one who proposes policies that advance the welfare of the public while complying with Biblical standards and precedents. Haven’t seen any lately, have you?

Okay. Accept that there may never be an ideal candidate. Then we must select the best of what’s left.

So how do we set our priorities?

There is a school of thought that says to choose the lesser or the two evils. There’s another that says to not let the Better be the enemy of the Good; in other words, pick the most achievable option rather than the most preferable one. Still another says to examine the stances of the opponents and select the one who most aligns with the two commandments we earlier spoke of. But what if they contradict? Which point takes preference over which other point

The parties contribute to the madness by overlapping on policies. I tried to distill each party down to its core beliefs, but there is much overlapping the further we get away from the core.

DEMOCRATS:

-Some call them ‘liberals’, meaning ‘willing and eager to change for the public good.’ The term has developed an evil connotation in recent decades. At its core, though, this may be the party most resembling the Old Testament. A core philosophy might be, ‘Man is, at his core, inherently evil. Therefore, for the betterment of society, government must restrict his choices and actions.’ Sounds a lot like Moses’ view of the Israelites. It also sounds a lot like the Holiness movement: comply with these codes of conduct, and all will be well. To be sure, many social welfare policies were begun under Democratic control. The intention was to improve the lives of those who had a difficult time helping themselves. A very Christian-like goal, if there ever was one. Labor unions, children’s advocates, and other organizations addressing social ills arose from this group, and most accomplished much good.

But just as the holiness movement moved into legalism, the party moved away from its core and into the mode where we currently find it: pushing the envelope of morality and acceptable conduct. They now embrace much of the evil they formally fought against. God’s power over life and death has been transmogrified into a constitutional right to kill babies. Marital sanctity and security of the family unit has transformed into diversity in sexual orientation and a right to create life apart from a marriage. Even discussions of God in general and Jesus in particular are offensive to many followers of the party, as there are no absolutes, and truth (and God) are all relative.

REPUBLICANS:

-Early in its life, the ‘Conservative’ party (meaning, we prefer to maintain the status quo, and support change, but we do so grudgingly and slowly) was created on the core belief that, ‘man is, at his core, inherently good; and the best thing government can do is to leave him alone to make enlightened self-serving choices that will, in turn, serve the best interest of society at large.’ This is Ayn Rand’s ‘objectivist’ philosophy at its best. Mandated manipulations of economies in the former Soviet Union and elsewhere bear some of this out: when government dictates, the economic machine is not free to respond to laws of supply-and-demand, and becomes inefficient. This party tends to favor deregulation and release of governmental controls. This tends to restore an incentive to work and produce, since producers have much to gain if they are successful. This falls squarely in line with the ‘if you don’t work, you don’t eat’ philosophy of the New Testament.

Though it may be more efficient, this system is nonetheless heartless. It is almost Darwinian in nature, permitting only the strongest to survive. Only with much bearbaiting does this party ‘consider the least of these’, and then only with much grumbling about taxes. The free market trumps most other concerns: business is our business. In the last few decades, however, it has become the darling of much of the Christian public, primarily due to its opposition to abortion. Lately, many members of this party who supposedly had high moral standards have been caught (literally) with their pants down, provoking warranted cries of ‘Hypocrite!’ from the opposition.

Okay, there’s a thumbnail sketch, admittedly short and lacking much, of both major parties as I understand them. And what exactly does this have to do with anything, you ask? Glad you asked.

We each have different priorities on our lives, even as we agree on Christ. I’ll stick my neck out here and list a few of mine. I affirm that a human being, created in the image of God, is a precious and valuable thing. That life should be protected at any and all costs, irrespective of whether it is preborn, infant, aged, or handicapped. My friends who support the other party agree on that statement. But it’s the application of that statement to real life that becomes the wedge between us. I look for a candidate who will oppose abortion in any size, shape, or color. That is my priority. My friend, who affirms the same statement I made earlier, looks for the candidate who he thinks will best provide a healthy environment for children with healthcare, nutrition, and loving caregivers. We did not choose the same candidate last November.

“But what about sanctity of life?” I argue.

“What about sanctity of those who are already alive?” he counters.

It’s hard to argue with him. He’s right. But so am I. And it is not likely that a candidate will meet both of our criteria.

This was a rather longwinded way to say that there are people on both sides of the political aisle who love Jesus very much, and have given their lives over to Him. Because they don’t vote for the same person I do doesn’t make them ‘evil.’ It makes them someone with a different perspective. A brother. A sister. Looking at the same world and trying to make a difference in His name.

Aw man, and I didn’t even get to talk about immigration yet! Maybe next time…..

Holiness and Boobies

Okay. Somebody will be offended by this post. If that somebody is you, go sit in the corner until it’s over.

All clear now? Good. Let’s proceed.

Two weekends ago, I rode with two friends from work in a poker run benefiting a local breast cancer support group. We had an awesome time riding through some beautiful Somerset and Wicomico County countryside for about 75 miles, and then we returned to the origination point for hot dogs and sodas. After ogling the hot looking bikes (and a few that were merely lukewarm), I went to the registration trailer to draw my cards.

(For those who don’t ride, a poker run is a motorcycle ride which typically involves 5 stops. At each stop, the rider draws a playing card from a deck provided by the business proprietor at that stop. When the ride is over, the object is to make the best poker hand out of the 5 cards you have drawn. Best hand wins the door prize. I had two pair: 8’s and 9’s. I didn’t win squat, but I beat my two friends.)

Anyways, at the trailer were some women, young and old, wearing shirts which had been printed just for this event. This ride had been billed as a family-friendly event, and to be sure, there were kids tossing a football in the adjacent field, an ice cream truck was present, and there were no ‘adult’ beverages available. But the legend on some of the T-shirts made me a bit uneasy. Some women wore a shirt I had seen first on ‘The Daily Buzz,’ a morning news/variety show on CW Network that I occasionally watched while I was wheelchair-bound. One of the more boorish hosts was a guy named Mitch (I forget his last name) who liked to do and say things that, though not crossing the line into obscenity, really blurred it a lot. He had taken to wearing a shirt regularly which featured the familiar pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness, but also contained the words, in bold black font, “Save the ta-tas.”

How crude, I thought. Who would ever wear something like that in public?

I’ll tell you who. Some ladies at this event wore that shirt. (Cue sound effect of loud gasp here.)

Not to be outdone, they had printed up several copies of a new graphic on some bright pink shirts, featuring a pair of bumblebees, each labeled ‘Boo!’ and the legend, “Save the boo bees!” (Replay gasp effect here.)

The nerve! In public! These women! Selling! These! Shirts!

I sat down to eat my hot dog and read the promotional flyer they handed me. They gave their web address, so when I got home, I looked them up. (By the way, it’s www.womensupportingwomen.org if you are interested.)

I was humbled by what I read.

Some of these women were themselves cancer survivors. Others served in memory of a loved one who didn’t make it. There were men serving for mothers, wives, and sisters. All with a common goal. This wasn’t ‘a race for the cure’ (although that’s a laudable organization as well.)

These people were doing this as a labor of love.

These were people whose hearts were touched in one way or another by something horrific. These were people who decided to not just sit there and let tragedy smack someone else in the face. They were intent on being there to support someone else who was walking the same road they had already been down or were currently on. This was about helping with a bill that couldn’t be paid, sitting up with someone who is scared to death, giving a ride to a treatment, holding a pan while someone puked her guts out into it, or simply a friendly ear, a warm shoulder, and a loving hug.

These people were all about showing love. The kind of love Jesus used to talk about. He wasn’t afraid to get His hands dirty. He got down where the hurting people were. He got humanity all over him. And no doubt, at some time someone likely said something that polite people don’t say around polite people.

Somehow, I think Jesus was okay with it.

Richard Wurmbrand tells of a Russian soldier to whom he was sharing the Gospel. In his book, ‘Tortured for Christ,’ he related that this man, who had never heard of Jesus, let alone been to church, was ingesting as much about the Savior as Wurmbrand could dish out. Eager for more, he pressed the pastor to tell the entire story, up through the crucifixion. The poor guy was distraught. He was weeping bitterly at the loss of his new-found Savior. Hurriedly, the pastor related the story of Christ’s resurrection and ascension. “When he heard this wonderful news, he beat his knees and swore—using very dirty, but very ‘holy’ profan­ity. This was his crude manner of speech. Again he rejoiced, shouting for joy. (Wurmbrand)”

Did you catch that? ‘Holy profanity.’ ‘Rejoiced.’ ‘Shouting for joy.’

Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? Not exactly.

Holiness isn’t a static thing: it’s not etched into concrete. It is fluid, changing, always moving in the direction of Christ. It’s more about the direction of travel than the speed of travel. And that speed varies from person to person. If Pastor Wurmbrand had let loose a string of the same profanities as his soldier protégé, we might rightly consider that unacceptable behavior.

But should we expect the world to come to a screeching halt and alter its behavior when one of those ‘Christians’ shows up? How realistic is that? Yes, of course we’re supposed to be the example, shining like stars in a crooked and perverse generation. But we are supposed to be real too, aren’t we? Should we hide our ‘real-ness’ from them under a made-up pretension of ’Jesus-ness’? Does it hurt or hinder us if people see that we are people too, with flaws and faults and character issues? I would think it helps us. It shows that we don’t have it all together, and that makes us approachable.

(Before my ministry friends call me a heretic, I do not claim that we should abandon a pursuit of holiness in order to win the world. I merely desire not to hide the not-quite-perfect-yet parts; to become ‘naked’ [I loathe the word ‘transparent’] and vulnerable; to show that we are not unlike them.)

When I had my ‘disagreement’ with my motorcycle last August, and I had finally come to a complete stop in the ditch on the right side of Pepperbox Road, and tried to separate my broken body from that of my machine, I was hurting. Badly. I was scared. Frightened. And I said the same thing any good, moral, upstanding Christian man might have said.

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

Haven’t said it since. I’m not going to make an excuse for it. I can apologize to you for it if you like. I already did to God. It wasn’t right. But I can’t take it away. It’s there. It happened.

We do strange things when we are in pain, physical or otherwise. Things we might not ordinarily do. We cry out in anger to God, to family, to anyone or anything. Sometimes we say hurtful things, as if spreading the hurt makes ours hurt less. Sometimes we blame others, God, the church, the government.

Sometimes we say on-the-edge things on T-shirts.

At some time, now or later, we all will see someone who is hurting. Pray for them. Better yet, be with them. Others who may not even know our God are standing with them. It’s okay to show them your human side. Show them Jesus was human too. He hurt with His friends. Peel off the holy mask and be genuine. That can mean more than all the Scripture we could read to them. It lets people know we’re real, that we hurt too, and that we share in their hurt. That’s compassion.

The next time you see these shirts or posters, remember there’s someone who is hurting. I will smile at their ‘holy profanity.’

I may not wear the ‘Save the Ta-Tas’ shirt, but I will support you. You do a better job of acting like Jesus than I have done.

Identity Crisis (pt. 2)

When last we left our intrepid essayist, he was fighting off a horde of wagon salesmen who were scrambling for their government bailouts…..oh wait, that was that guy in Washington. Never mind…..

As I was saying, words mean things. A name should tell us something significant about its bearer. A refocused church needs a name that indicates that it is refocused.

So what are we to focus on?

There’s a video that plays frequently during Sunday morning services. It is intended to welcome newcomers and assuage any fears they might have about this motley bunch of Jesus freaks amongst whom they now find themselves seated. A line from it says something like this: “We’re not asking you to change your beliefs before attending our church. We’re simply inviting you on a journey toward Jesus.”

That’s where we all are. On a journey. Some of us are looking for Jesus.

Some of us are a whole lot closer than others. Jesus once told a questioning scholar, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” This was a guy who was on the road and headed in the right direction. Jesus told another guy, a rich dude who seemed to be doing everything right, “You are lacking one thing.” That guy turned away, headed in the wrong direction. One man ran away from Him naked. A woman came crawling to him through a crowd. Yet another tried to drive Him away with demonic yelling and tantrums. An immoral woman was dragged and slung to the ground in front of Him. Another met Him at the local watering hole.

These people all had one thing in common: at one point, they were all headed toward Him.

We can deduce that people are either headed toward Jesus, or they are headed away from Him. All points away from Jesus lead to death, but there’s only one way to life.

And it’s our job to help guide people toward Him. The speed of travel doesn’t really matter. The direction of travel is everything. I can’t move very fast anymore (unless I’m on my bike), so you may be able to run me down. That’s ok. I will move at my own speed. I’ll get there soon enough. Maybe you’ll get there first. Maybe I’ll catch up with you. It doesn’t really matter, as long as we are moving in the same direction.

George Harrison, no Christian theologian, nonetheless made a very valid point when he sang, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” I wrote a song several years ago about a journey. “If you don’t have a map or a guide to lead the way, you could end up stranded on a lonesome highway.”

We have a map. It’s called God’s Word.

We have a guide. His name is Jesus.

If we display our map in our lives, the strong possibility exists that we may be given the opportunity to introduce our Guide to fellow travelers. There’s safety in numbers. The more of us there are headed in the same direction, the less likely it is that one or more of us gets stranded. Traveling companions help to keep each other on the road. This journey isn’t meant to be made alone.

As with any journey, from time to time we need to stop for refreshment, for refueling, for rest. Travel any highway for any length of time and you’ll come upon a rest area. Just in time, too….I need to unload that 44 oz. Diet Coke I had about 44 exits back. This is why we come to ‘church.’ (Read Part 1 for my treatment of the word ‘church.’) We are refreshed, refueled, rested, and we can continue the journey. The journey isn’t about a place. It’s about the trip. If it was about the place, we’d call it a destination.

There is no destination when we travel toward Jesus. (My holiness professor might like that line.)

Not this side of Heaven, anyway.

So, if this walk with/toward Jesus isn’t about ever actually getting there, but is all about what happens on the way there, why do we say things like ‘go to church?’ Doesn’t that confuse the issue?

I mean, if we tell people they need to ‘go to church’ to get their lives right, what’s so magical about a building that it has the power to change lives? No building can do that. Only a God can transform people.

And He doesn’t need a building to do it.

He does His work when we are moving toward Him, seeking Him, asking Him, calling out to Him.

And He continues His work as we continue to move toward Him.

Jesus told His followers He had no place of His own to lay His head. He was always traveling.

On a journey.

A journey towards God.

What a remarkable name for a church.

Identity Crisis pt. 1

I am a student of words. I like words. I love crossword puzzles, acrostics, cryptograms. I read dictionaries for fun as a small boy. I derive secret pleasure from spotting spelling errors in the daily newspaper, in books, in the Sunday school literature used at my church, and on TV. I was once a copy editor for a two-bit biweekly paper. Scrabble is my favorite board game but, alas, no one in my family wants to play with me.

Words are tools. Words are to a writer what paint or charcoal pencils are to an artist. Words mean things. To convey an accurate message, the correct words must be chosen. (By the way, fellow board members who might be reading this: the word I was looking for last night was ‘solidarity.’)

My fascination with words annoys my bride incessantly. She will ask, “Honey, do you want to take the trash out for me?” I reply, “No.” Why, you ask? Because I don’t want to take the trash out. I want to sit in my chair, sip on my glass of iced tea, and watch Wipeout.

And she has the audacity to get mad at me for merely rendering a truthful answer to her question!

I told her that if she had asked, “Will you please take the trash out?”, I would have said yes, and then proceed to take the trash out. But she asked if I wanted to. That, apparently, is her way of asking me to do it.

“But honey, you asked if I wanted to, and I don’t want to. You need to be more precise with your words.”

It can be assumed that after such an exchange, the chance of rejoicing with the wife of my youth that evening is nil.

If there was a way to make money at it, I’d like to be an etymologist. Someone who studies the meaning and history of words. We use the word ‘vulgar’ today to describe something profane, something crude, boorish, or obscene. Just a few hundred years ago, Bible scholars rejoiced that Scripture was now available in ‘the vulgar language.’ The word then meant ‘common, or ordinary.’ A Bible in the vulgar language was a Bible that a working man could read and understand. Similar changes in meaning and usage have come upon words such as ‘cool,’ ‘sick,’ and ‘gay.’

What we say has meaning, whether we wish to acknowledge it or not. The words we use mean something, describe something, say something about us. It is important that we choose them carefully.

Same thing goes for names. Jewish families in Scripture would assign names to their children which reflected an attribute they had observed in the child, or one they hoped to inculcate. ‘Cain’ means to acquire. Genesis 4:1 quotes Eve as saying: “I have gotten a man from the LORD.” Jacob means ‘one who grasps the heel, or one who deceives.’ Jabez means ‘pain.’ (I wonder what Mom was thinking there.) It sometimes still happens. My mother-in-law wanted to name her last child Elizabeth, but her husband had an argument with a woman by that name at work and vetoed the idea. Instead, she was so glad to have finally delivered the child that she shouted out, “Glory Hallelujah!”. Hence, my wife’s name became Gloria.

Today we typically give our children names that we think sound good. My parents gave me my name because it was my father’s name. I’m not crazy about my name. I thought about using my middle name, but it’s a little late to be making changes, so I guess I’m stuck with what I’ve got.

Ronald (from Old English ‘Reginald’) a king, a mighty ruler.

Wayne (from ‘Wainwright’; an occupational name) maker of wagons.

Sutler (an occupational name) a merchant who sells provisions to an army.

Put it all together, and it says I am the king of the wagon salesmen. Perhaps I should work for GM. Maybe they wouldn’t have gone bankrupt if I had.

The meaning of words can change over time as society’s usage of those words change, and as society itself changes. This can create an uncomfortable identity crisis.

Case in point: “Millsboro Wesleyan Church.”

Back in the bygone days of faeries and trolls, this was the proper way to name a church. You identified its physical location, its affiliation, and its intended usage. If you lived in Millsboro and you belonged to the Wesleyan communion, this was your place to worship.

Fast-forward to the 21^st century. We are no longer merely a wide spot in the road on the way to the beach. We are no longer a homogenous community where everyone looks alike, thinks alike, dresses alike, and walks to church. The 19966 zipcode encompasses a large portion of Sussex County. Retirees, immigrants, and families are relocating to the areas surrounding Millsboro. Is it right that we should focus our attention solely on Millsboro (pop. 3,500) when some 35,000 people live within a 15 minute drive from us? Are we not supposed to ‘meet people where they are,’ both literally and figuratively? Concentrating our efforts only on one small town seems a bit myopic.

Yet that is what our name suggests we are about.

On to the next word. I doubt John Wesley would have authorized a denomination to bear his name. He was a devout member of the Church of England (known on this side of the pond as the Episcopal Church) who, after going through the motions as a parish priest, missionary, and scholar, posited that, based on Scripture, it was possible that the transforming power of Jesus could permit one to live without a desire to sin. From that came what is now known as the Methodist Church, and later, the Wesleyan Church. John was never a member of either organization. The term ‘Wesleyan’ was adopted to reflect the denomination’s focus on holy living in an unholy world, based on the theology of Wesley and Jacobus Arminius, a Dutchman who, likewise, would have blanched at the idea of a movement attached to him. Aside from bookworms like me, who knows (or cares) about Wesley or Arminius? Probably very few people. Certainly not the lost individual who, driving past a church with the script ‘WESLEYAN’ above the door, says. “I can’t go there; I’m not Wesleyan, whatever that is.” We exclude many people by brandishing that name. Christ is about inclusion, not exclusion.

And finally, one of my not-so-favorite terms: church. Those of us stuffed-shirts know that the church is the assembly of believers, the ekklesia, the family of God, the Body of Christ. To Joe and Jane Sixpack, however, the church is that red brick building on Wilson Highway. A church has a steeple, pews, probably an organ (that’s for another essay), and a cross somewhere on a wall. When most people think of church, they think of a structure, a building, a piece of real estate. Nothing could (or should) be further from the truth. Can we have church without a building? Of course! We ARE the church! How does our name indicate that? It doesn’t.

So what do we do about it? I’ll leave that for the next essay. Until then, I’ll be exerting my authority over the kingdom of wagon salesmen.

Summary

This is my first attempt at a blog. But, since I have developed a habit of posting essays on my Facebook page, it seem logical to post them in a blog, then import them to FB. So, here goes something.... HEre are a few of my favorites imported from FB to the blogosphere.......

Comments re: the death of an 'adult' film star

If 'adult' is equated with 'mature', and 'mature' equates to 'old enough to know better,' or 'responsible and sensible', then what adult would want to watch such a film? Many of you know that I am a 'recovering porn addict.' I know what damage I did to my soul and my marriage by exposing (pun intended) myself to these pieces of toxic waste. The demand is great for such product as this...far greater now than when Marilyn Chambers made her debut. (yes, I did see her film. Unfortunately.)

People. if any one reading this is into porn, I have something to say to you. I was there for 25+ years. I am not going to slam a Bible on your head and pronounce damnation on your head, although I could show you passages which indicate God ain't too happy with it. I want to tell you in no uncertain terms that this stuff is poison. Poisonous to your mind. Poisonous to your relationships, whether you are married or not. Poisonous to your view of the opposite sex (or even the same sex...been there, done that too.) It corrodes your ability to have and enjoy intimacy...not just physical intimacy, but emotional, conversational, relational intimacy. After viewing or reading it, every single time you attempt to engage in an intimate moment (with or without clothing), a little of your capacity to be intimate is eaten away. Eventually, you find yourself unable to become close to anyone without having a sexual thought or impulse pounce on you.

I poisoned my life and my marriage with this stuff. I gave my bride a taste of it, and she went and did exactly what I was doing. This stuff is contagious. Kill it. Kill it now.

If we reduce the demand for this toxin, the supply will shrink as well. And how many more Marilyn Chambers-wannabes will be spared a miserable life?

BIG recommendation if you're into books: 'The Dirty Little Secret' by Craig Gross, founder of xxxchurch.com . Take a look at the unairbrushed underbelly of porn, warts and all. If you aren't sick now, you will be when you finish.

I wouldn't be a ministerial student if I didn't include at least a LITTLE Scripture...Jesus said if we even lust, that's the same as actually engaging in adultery. Adulterers are listed in several lists of people that won't get into Heaven. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is my favorite list:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

I am batting 9 for 10 in that list. But there's hope! Read verse 11:

Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

It's possible to be cleaned of this scourge. Jesus can remove this toxin...and any others as well. I'm proof that he can do it.

I don't know where Miss Chambers stood with the Lord, but there are many others out there in her shoes who need to make that decision. Pray for them. Pray for all the victims of porn....the husbands who swallow a little, then a little more, then eventually the whole thing until they have to get more and more to satisfy; the wives who struggle with the loss of their husbands to an airbrushed impossibility; the women who, faced with hunger or loneliness, are lured into this trap with seemingly no way out; the purveyors of these poisons, who may or may not realize what their product is doing to countless millions; the young man or woman who stumbles onto something during an innocent Google search and now can't get away from it; and many more. our God is big enough to handle this. Dare we ask Him to?

When Doves Cry

ALERT TO NICE LADIES AND KIDS: There is a crude phrase buried in this essay. It is needed to illustrate a very valid point. Please accept it in the spirit in which it is offered, and extend to me grace and mercy as well. Thank you.

There are tears flowing in a bedroom somewhere tonight. Painful tears. Avoidable tears.

Prince had a song about 20 or so years ago that began, ’Dig, if you will, a picture….’ Okay, I’ll bite. Dig, if you will, a picture of a successful politician, widely touted as one of the brightest his party has to offer. He is promoted as a possible contender for a national office in the next presidential election cycle. His policies have caused many to rally behind him, and his principles and morality are beyond reproach. His doting wife supports him strongly, and he is looked upon as a paragon of family values. In the dark, however, there is a sinister side. He seeks sexual gratification outside of his marriage. He manages to keep it secret for a while, but eventually his moves prove more and more bold until, finally, he is caught. And the media explodes.

South Carolina, 2009?

Well, yes. But I was speaking of Maryland, 1980. Bob Baumann was a representative from an area of Maryland not far from where I live. He was a darling of the Republican Party, happily married, a good church-going man, and was thought of as a strong candidate for a 1984 nationwide office. Then his secret romps in the gay lifestyle and dealings with a 16-yr-old male prostitute became front page news, and he lost the election, as well as his career, his reputation, and his family.

Oh, but that was way back then. What does that possibly have to do with here and now?

A lot. Rep. Baumann and Gov. Sanford threw everything away for a few minutes of pleasure. These guys were not idiots. They were well educated, ambitious men. They were doing good things for families and for the country. They were hard-working men.

Men who should have known better.

Look at that last line: “Men who should have known better.” See yourself in that phrase? I hope so.

These guys have staff members who do nothing but coordinate schedules. Order coffee. Drive. Certainly someone of this stature would be concerned about the possibility of being caught in a situation where there seemed to be no escape? A situation that would spell doom to their career? Why did they not have a staff member, a friend, or a trusted colleague to hold them accountable for their actions, their words, their use of time?

Our government has a contingency plan for any kind of potential threat. Kim Jung Il wants to fire off his nuke at Honolulu? We have a plan for that. Iranians want to attack Tel Aviv? We have a plan for that. Obama falls and breaks his neck? God forbid, we have a plan for that. (Please stay healthy, Mr. President. I don’t have a plan for a President Biden.) We as men need to develop contingency plans for any and all potential threats to our purity, our marriage, and our families. We all have heard the old line from the locker room that says, ‘A stiff dick has no conscience.’ We know this. We know our weaknesses. We know how we are wired.

Use that knowledge to your advantage.

Scripture tells us with every temptation there is also a way of escape. Sometimes that way of escape is to RUN. Sometimes it is to resist…after submission to God. Sometimes the best offense is a good defense.

Set up a perimeter so that your weakness can not be exploited. Establish a relationship of confidence with another man whom you can trust and who you know will pray for you. When you sense that temptation coming, call him and tell him. Turn the light on it. Cockroaches run from the light (no pun intended). Better still, avoid situations and locations where you expect such temptations to arise (again, no pun intended.) Don’t place yourself in situations where you are alone with a woman. Call the front desk and tell them to block all the pay TV channels. If your favorite quickie-mart sells porn, change quickie-marts (Thank you, Wawa!) Block the inputs – eyes, ears – so the trash stays out. The hottie with the 38 inch chest and the 34 inch shirt has eyes. Look at them instead.

We need to reinforce our core as well. So you want a million-dollar wife? Treat the one you have like a million dollars. There was something there once that you liked. See it again. Spend time with her. Not just sitting with her watching NFL, either. (unless she’s also a fan….) Do the dishes. Dump the trash. Mop the kitchen. Cook her dinner. Rub her feet. Rub her back, and don’t expect anything in return.

In short, Ephesians 5 her! Love her sacrificially. Give it all up for her. The TV, the golf, the times spent daydreaming about that other girl…give it all up for the one you pledged to forsake all others for. Make her feel like a queen. If she feels special, she’s more inclined to make you feel special, wink wink nudge nudge.

But even if she doesn’t, dude, you made a promise…not just to her, but to God. Keep it. Honor her. Love her as Christ loved the church. How did He do that? He died for the church. That’s us. What did we do to deserve Him? Nothing. But He did it anyway. That’s love.

Die to yourself. Invite Christ into your marriage. This builds a wall around your marriage that keeps out the invaders.

The men I wrote about earlier had no such walls, no such perimeters, no such accountability.

They lost (or may lose) everything they hold dear. And at what cost? Raise your defenses.

No defenses means it is easier for us to make poor temporary choices that bring permanent pain.

Sneak up to the bedroom window at the Sanford’s tonight if you want to hear what it sounds like when doves cry.