When Doves Cry

ALERT TO NICE LADIES AND KIDS: There is a crude phrase buried in this essay. It is needed to illustrate a very valid point. Please accept it in the spirit in which it is offered, and extend to me grace and mercy as well. Thank you.

There are tears flowing in a bedroom somewhere tonight. Painful tears. Avoidable tears.

Prince had a song about 20 or so years ago that began, ’Dig, if you will, a picture….’ Okay, I’ll bite. Dig, if you will, a picture of a successful politician, widely touted as one of the brightest his party has to offer. He is promoted as a possible contender for a national office in the next presidential election cycle. His policies have caused many to rally behind him, and his principles and morality are beyond reproach. His doting wife supports him strongly, and he is looked upon as a paragon of family values. In the dark, however, there is a sinister side. He seeks sexual gratification outside of his marriage. He manages to keep it secret for a while, but eventually his moves prove more and more bold until, finally, he is caught. And the media explodes.

South Carolina, 2009?

Well, yes. But I was speaking of Maryland, 1980. Bob Baumann was a representative from an area of Maryland not far from where I live. He was a darling of the Republican Party, happily married, a good church-going man, and was thought of as a strong candidate for a 1984 nationwide office. Then his secret romps in the gay lifestyle and dealings with a 16-yr-old male prostitute became front page news, and he lost the election, as well as his career, his reputation, and his family.

Oh, but that was way back then. What does that possibly have to do with here and now?

A lot. Rep. Baumann and Gov. Sanford threw everything away for a few minutes of pleasure. These guys were not idiots. They were well educated, ambitious men. They were doing good things for families and for the country. They were hard-working men.

Men who should have known better.

Look at that last line: “Men who should have known better.” See yourself in that phrase? I hope so.

These guys have staff members who do nothing but coordinate schedules. Order coffee. Drive. Certainly someone of this stature would be concerned about the possibility of being caught in a situation where there seemed to be no escape? A situation that would spell doom to their career? Why did they not have a staff member, a friend, or a trusted colleague to hold them accountable for their actions, their words, their use of time?

Our government has a contingency plan for any kind of potential threat. Kim Jung Il wants to fire off his nuke at Honolulu? We have a plan for that. Iranians want to attack Tel Aviv? We have a plan for that. Obama falls and breaks his neck? God forbid, we have a plan for that. (Please stay healthy, Mr. President. I don’t have a plan for a President Biden.) We as men need to develop contingency plans for any and all potential threats to our purity, our marriage, and our families. We all have heard the old line from the locker room that says, ‘A stiff dick has no conscience.’ We know this. We know our weaknesses. We know how we are wired.

Use that knowledge to your advantage.

Scripture tells us with every temptation there is also a way of escape. Sometimes that way of escape is to RUN. Sometimes it is to resist…after submission to God. Sometimes the best offense is a good defense.

Set up a perimeter so that your weakness can not be exploited. Establish a relationship of confidence with another man whom you can trust and who you know will pray for you. When you sense that temptation coming, call him and tell him. Turn the light on it. Cockroaches run from the light (no pun intended). Better still, avoid situations and locations where you expect such temptations to arise (again, no pun intended.) Don’t place yourself in situations where you are alone with a woman. Call the front desk and tell them to block all the pay TV channels. If your favorite quickie-mart sells porn, change quickie-marts (Thank you, Wawa!) Block the inputs – eyes, ears – so the trash stays out. The hottie with the 38 inch chest and the 34 inch shirt has eyes. Look at them instead.

We need to reinforce our core as well. So you want a million-dollar wife? Treat the one you have like a million dollars. There was something there once that you liked. See it again. Spend time with her. Not just sitting with her watching NFL, either. (unless she’s also a fan….) Do the dishes. Dump the trash. Mop the kitchen. Cook her dinner. Rub her feet. Rub her back, and don’t expect anything in return.

In short, Ephesians 5 her! Love her sacrificially. Give it all up for her. The TV, the golf, the times spent daydreaming about that other girl…give it all up for the one you pledged to forsake all others for. Make her feel like a queen. If she feels special, she’s more inclined to make you feel special, wink wink nudge nudge.

But even if she doesn’t, dude, you made a promise…not just to her, but to God. Keep it. Honor her. Love her as Christ loved the church. How did He do that? He died for the church. That’s us. What did we do to deserve Him? Nothing. But He did it anyway. That’s love.

Die to yourself. Invite Christ into your marriage. This builds a wall around your marriage that keeps out the invaders.

The men I wrote about earlier had no such walls, no such perimeters, no such accountability.

They lost (or may lose) everything they hold dear. And at what cost? Raise your defenses.

No defenses means it is easier for us to make poor temporary choices that bring permanent pain.

Sneak up to the bedroom window at the Sanford’s tonight if you want to hear what it sounds like when doves cry.