Upon looking at the doctor on TV and seeing my face...

Much has been said online and over the air about the heinous actions of a certain local pediatrician. He is in custody and, having been indicted, will be led through the state's judicial process and will face the prescribed punishment, if convicted. He must - and will - pay the penalty Delaware's jurists and legislators have determined is appropriate for his crimes.

(As an aside, I wish to publicly thank State Attorney General 'Beau' Biden for acknowledging that he has an important task to finish, and for not running off to take his daddy's Senate seat. This guy has integrity. I like that in an elected official.)

A virulent cloud of hate swirls amidst us when the Dr. Bradley case is discussed. People speak of him in terms reserved for vermin and reptiles. Amateur dismemberment squads are proposed. The possibilities of what might happen if he was "accidentally" released to the general prison population are spoken of with glee. Hatchets, rusty knives, and electric tools of many types have been offered up as implements of justice. These opinions are understandable: no one wants to see children injured or traumatized, especially in such an intimate manner, and especially not by a supposedly trustworthy professional. As a father, I completely understand the rage that incites such emotion.

But I disagree with it completely.

When I look at Dr. Bradley, I see someone who stands just a few short steps down the road from where I stood at one time in my life. A handful of steps one way or the other, and it might have been my face on TV. Yes, he made the decision, and yes, he is responsible for his choices.

But what sort of things can happen to someone so bring them to a place where they think this is a good course of action?

Some statistics were quoted to me the other evening: 70% of people with sexual addiction have been sexually abused at some point in their lives. 80% have been physically abused. Nearly all have been emotionally abused or neglected. I don't have the stats on where exposure to porn fits here, but based on my own experiences, I believe it goes hand-in-hand. Find a vulnerable person and destroy their self-worth. Destroy their value. Dehumanize them. Use them. It was done to me. It was what I learned. In time, I would in turn dehumanize someone else. And the cycle (ordinarily) continues.

The cycle can be stopped. It requires a decision to stop. It requires a reorganization of the manner in which one thinks: a transformation by the renewing of the mind, as Paul says in Romans 12:2. But the mind is so closely allied with the heart. Can one change without the other changing as well? Mmmmm, possible, but not likely. Even if the mind says, 'This is a bad thing; we shouldn't do it," the heart is accustomed to the rush which accompanies the action and demands we continue on the destructive path anyway. The things we don't want to do are the things we end up doing. And since we KNOW we shouldn't be doing them, the shame and guilt that follows push us deeper into the isolation from which the desire arose in the first place.

Okay, enough mirror-watching for a bit. How can we prevent future Dr. Bradleys or Tommy Leggs (or Ron Sutlers, for that matter) from heading to this dark place, if they each have the power of freewill? I don't have the magic wand that would make it all go away, but I have some ideas.

1. Let's speak up about sex in church. Hey, if God thought it was dirty, would we have the Song of Solomon? C'mon, you gotta have asbestos gloves on when you read it. It's that hot! Seriously though, this is a topic that is typically hush-hush in churches. Paul had little problem talking about it -- he wrote of kicking out a guy who was doing his mother-in-law! And he wrote of the pride that church had in itself for its 'tolerance' of immorality. Sounds familiar. Anyways....God created it and thought is was special enough to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. Can we get God back into sex? That brings me to....

2. Let's speak up about the degrading effect of porn. Surveys indicate that over half of all men -- IN CHURCH -- either have or have had struggles with pornography. This stuff is an intimacy killer, a relationship toxin, a soul destroyer. It provides a false intimacy to replace the true intimacy of marriage. It lures with promises of exotic pleasures, but delivers isolation and addiction. A little is no longer enough.....you need more and stronger images to achieve the same 'high.' But this stuff is everywhere! In the corner store, on the Net, on the cable TV, even on the cellphone. It is pervasive. Many primetime TV shows would have been considered softcore porn just a few short years ago. And advertising! Why do we need tits and ass to sell web domains? Or cars? Or beer? Danica, keep your shirt on, honey! Guys, they do it because we respond to it. And we become numb....desensitized....almost immune. it requires more to 'arouse' our wallets (and other things) into action. But we ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES! And then we wonder why teens are acting out at younger and younger ages! Porn is a many-tentacled thing.

3. Let's demonstrate a Godly love to our wives. They need to see the strong provider and protector God intended us to be. Take a stand when you see this crap on your TV: turn the channel. Let her see you avert your eyes when the hot chick with everything hanging out walks past in WalMart. Job said he made a covenant with his eyes to not look at another woman with lust. Not a bad plan.

4. Become a part of a group of guys sharing the fight. David had a few dozen guys split out of Judah with him when Saul was after his head. They hung together and became known as his mighty men. They had each other's back. They fought side by side and shared in the victories and the struggles. There are many men out there with these same issues. Get their numbers. Call them when you feel tempted, when you feel alone, when you feel vulnerable. Face it, we already proved we can't do it alone, right?

5. Invite God into the battle. Hey, it doesn't hurt to have the biggest guy on the block on your side, right? Blow the dust off of that big black book and open it up. Read about David and Joseph and what they did when faced with temptation....and the different results they achieved. This isn't a fight you can win alone. I can tell you how Jesus helped me to get clean, but He didn't put me in a bubble so I stayed that way. I got dirty again soon enough, but He stood ready to re-clean and re-strengthen me. It is a day-by-day struggle. Some days are oh so easy, but then there are those other days that I come so close to falling. He won't let you fall if you lean on Him. Hard lesson to learn.

6. When you see or hear of a person with struggles in the area of sexuality, don't reject or condemn them. We already feel rejected and condemned in our own minds. Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman (hey, where was the man she was with? I wonder if he was one of the ones who brought her?)...He released her and told her to stop what she was doing. Us perverts need love, too. Face it, we've been looking for it in all the wrong places, as the song goes. We need TRUE love and intimacy. All we know is the false love and intimacy that brings grief. Show us Jesus' love. Show us Jesus. It might take a while, but keep on showing it. Encourage us. Exhort us. Support us. Pray for us. Pray WITH us.

Love us. Please.

What if someone had introduced Bradley or Leggs to real intimacy with Jesus? There might be 103 fewer victims in Lewes. There might be one less girl in the cemetary. Isn't it worth a shot?